"I didn’t want children for a really long time... I did not think it was possible, and didn’t even allow myself to be open up to what that would look like. But then I realized I did.”
In this illuminating episode of the Fence Sitter Podcast, I speak with Monika, who only recently stepped off the fence and decided to pursue motherhood - a decision that surprised even herself.
As a gay woman who grew up in Idaho with a struggling single mother, Monika had no blueprint for what her own family might look like. Taking on significant parenting responsibilities for her younger brother at an early age, she was convinced motherhood wasn't for her.
This certainty remained unshaken until her mother's cancer diagnosis, when an unexpected thought surfaced: "She's never going to meet my child."
Some highlights from our conversation:
How Monika's partner declaring "we're not having kids" to family members triggered unexpected anger that revealed her true feelings
The powerful impact of witnessing her mother's illness: "You can't just wait for something that you really want"
How ending her marriage became necessary when she realized she couldn't ignore her desire for motherhood
Navigating the complex emotions of pursuing pregnancy as a queer woman: "I can't just decide and then me and my partner can't just start trying"
Perhaps most insightfully, Monika reframes how we think about regret: "I've just gotten to this place of believing that I will probably always have some regret in life. But I need to trust that as long as I’m living in what want in the moment listening to myself... it's gonna be okay."
Want to hear Monika's full story, including her practical advice for distinguishing between anxiety and intuition when making big life decisions?
Upgrade to a paid subscription to access the complete episode and join a community of others navigating this significant life choice.
The Fence Sitter podcast continues to bring you authentic conversations with real individuals who were unsure about having kids and finally made their choice - one way or another. These podcast episodes are available for paid subscribers only.
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