When Your Partner is Sure They Don't Want Kids (And You're Not)

Answering a reader question. Should I really decide if I want to have kids if it also means getting divorced?

This is another installment of Dear Fence Sitter where I answer reader questions about dilemmas that fellow fence sitters are facing and try to give them wisdom, guidance or help them make a decision. This series is for paid subscribers only. In order to have your question answered and read the full archive, upgrade your subscription!

Also before we get into it, an exciting announcement! We are bringing back our monthly support group.

The next support group will be….

Tuesday July 22nd at 7pm EST. It will take place via zoom and is for paid subscribers only. I will send out a zoom link to paid subscribers the week before!

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A reader asks: My husband is sure he doesn't want children, while I'm still on the fence leaning toward wanting them. This means my two options are very different - stay and be childfree, or leave and potentially have children elsewhere. My husband didn't officially decide until after we were married, and my family's experience with divorce makes it hard to consider that as a choice. Do you have advice when the options feel so drastically different?

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Oof. This one really hits different, doesn't it? Your situation is so much more complex than the typical fence-sitter dilemma because you're not just choosing between having kids or not - you're choosing between two completely different life paths.

You're not just deciding whether to have children. You're deciding whether to:

• Stay with someone you love and accept a childfree life

• OR leave your marriage, your shared pets, your home, your financial situation, potentially your friend group, and start over with the hope (not guarantee) that you'll find someone else and be able to have children. Or you could decide to have children without a partner.