Non-parent here but I just wanted to say that your honesty and vulnerability as a parent and therapist is so helpful- not only to parents that can relate but also to patients that sometimes look to leaders but forget that they have that human element of struggle sometimes too. Never forget to be your own friend when you go to that deep-dive critique/doubt of yourself just like you would tell your clients/patients! 💕Also, I've heard from many friends and family that 3 is so much harder than 2! Remember that the waves don't last forever and that you deserve all the goodness to yourself that you give to others and your daughter! 💕🥰
This is a great letter and sometimes honesty like this is so helpful to read. I’m struggling in a different phase and way. One is nine and the other”surprise” is 7 months old. I am not thriving.
Also on your situation - 3 year olds are hard. I found that one of the most challenging times.
Fellow one and done mom going thru a hard stage 3.25 years old with my boy. And whew do I feel this. I really resonated with believing that if I plan and prepare enough it will be manageable. I knew that wasn’t the case with pregnancy. I was at my body’s whims more or less. But for some reason thinking I can basically control the behavior of a toddler/preschooler made sense to me?! As much as they are realizing they are their own person for the first time, we are too. It’s so hard. Solidarity.
This piece is so raw and honest - thank you for being brave enough to share it with us, Amanda! Reading it, I could feel your ache. Sometimes life just sucks and is hard and there's no solution, despite our efforts to do everything "right". Yes, you might "only" have one child, but you're a parent, which is an incredible and massive thing, and you're doing it! The gap between being childfree and having any number of kids is so wide...one child might feel minuscule compared to 2 or 3, but from my viewpoint, you've taken on an immense, beautiful, and challenging thing. I've heard it said that one is the closest thing to staying childfree, but who are we kidding — having any number of kids is a life-changing endeavour. I'll also admit that as someone without kids I've often asked, "Am I just inherently weak? How does a person with kids manage to adult through life when I find it hard some days??" Hugs!
Very relatable! My second child is about to turn three right now. You are definitely not weak! Parenting is so trying and there are definitely periods where I feel I am drowning. You are not alone! Thank you for sharing!!!
Parenting or raising our children can not be generalized. Every child and every parent is different!
Some parents make it look easy because they have an easy child and they are easy. The foundation of who you are and who your child is, is easy or Not So Easy and genetically determined. Parents with Not So Easy children need special knowledge, skills and support. Not So Easy(NSE) kids can very from a little NSE to a lot NSE. There are several temperament traits that drive behavior and some that drive learning. Once those are IDed a custom plan can be developed to address the specific traits that are normal but not easy to live with. I spent 20 years helping parents with NSE children snd you can raise them without Frustration Anger or Guilt with this complete understanding. Here are books that may help: The Difficult Child by Turechi and The Normal but Not So Easy Child by Hudson
I feel so seen and validated reading this article. Thank you for being so vulnerable and honest because I feel the same way as a mom of one and therapist. I have been shaming my self and feeling like an alien to who I always was. I feel myself grounding again after your words. Thank you 💕
My heart hurts for moms who have been lead to believe if you: love hard enough, connect hard enough, etc. you can change genetics. It’s like attempting to change your child’s eye color. If you have a super active child, you have a super active child. You need to learn how to manage that by running laps before a period when activity isn’t possible. Just more planning ahead. If your child resist change, transition or surprises planning ahead is mandatory. A child’s behavior is driven by genetic temperament traits and only modified by parenting. You haven’t failed you just have a child that requires a different set of keys.
Non-parent here but I just wanted to say that your honesty and vulnerability as a parent and therapist is so helpful- not only to parents that can relate but also to patients that sometimes look to leaders but forget that they have that human element of struggle sometimes too. Never forget to be your own friend when you go to that deep-dive critique/doubt of yourself just like you would tell your clients/patients! 💕Also, I've heard from many friends and family that 3 is so much harder than 2! Remember that the waves don't last forever and that you deserve all the goodness to yourself that you give to others and your daughter! 💕🥰
Thank you Danielle, you are so kind!
This is a great letter and sometimes honesty like this is so helpful to read. I’m struggling in a different phase and way. One is nine and the other”surprise” is 7 months old. I am not thriving.
Also on your situation - 3 year olds are hard. I found that one of the most challenging times.
Thanks Charlotte!
Fellow one and done mom going thru a hard stage 3.25 years old with my boy. And whew do I feel this. I really resonated with believing that if I plan and prepare enough it will be manageable. I knew that wasn’t the case with pregnancy. I was at my body’s whims more or less. But for some reason thinking I can basically control the behavior of a toddler/preschooler made sense to me?! As much as they are realizing they are their own person for the first time, we are too. It’s so hard. Solidarity.
Yes!!
This piece is so raw and honest - thank you for being brave enough to share it with us, Amanda! Reading it, I could feel your ache. Sometimes life just sucks and is hard and there's no solution, despite our efforts to do everything "right". Yes, you might "only" have one child, but you're a parent, which is an incredible and massive thing, and you're doing it! The gap between being childfree and having any number of kids is so wide...one child might feel minuscule compared to 2 or 3, but from my viewpoint, you've taken on an immense, beautiful, and challenging thing. I've heard it said that one is the closest thing to staying childfree, but who are we kidding — having any number of kids is a life-changing endeavour. I'll also admit that as someone without kids I've often asked, "Am I just inherently weak? How does a person with kids manage to adult through life when I find it hard some days??" Hugs!
Thank you Keltie!! 💗
Very relatable! My second child is about to turn three right now. You are definitely not weak! Parenting is so trying and there are definitely periods where I feel I am drowning. You are not alone! Thank you for sharing!!!
Parenting or raising our children can not be generalized. Every child and every parent is different!
Some parents make it look easy because they have an easy child and they are easy. The foundation of who you are and who your child is, is easy or Not So Easy and genetically determined. Parents with Not So Easy children need special knowledge, skills and support. Not So Easy(NSE) kids can very from a little NSE to a lot NSE. There are several temperament traits that drive behavior and some that drive learning. Once those are IDed a custom plan can be developed to address the specific traits that are normal but not easy to live with. I spent 20 years helping parents with NSE children snd you can raise them without Frustration Anger or Guilt with this complete understanding. Here are books that may help: The Difficult Child by Turechi and The Normal but Not So Easy Child by Hudson
This is helpful, thanks so much for sharing.
💗💗
I feel so seen and validated reading this article. Thank you for being so vulnerable and honest because I feel the same way as a mom of one and therapist. I have been shaming my self and feeling like an alien to who I always was. I feel myself grounding again after your words. Thank you 💕
My heart hurts for moms who have been lead to believe if you: love hard enough, connect hard enough, etc. you can change genetics. It’s like attempting to change your child’s eye color. If you have a super active child, you have a super active child. You need to learn how to manage that by running laps before a period when activity isn’t possible. Just more planning ahead. If your child resist change, transition or surprises planning ahead is mandatory. A child’s behavior is driven by genetic temperament traits and only modified by parenting. You haven’t failed you just have a child that requires a different set of keys.
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