Introducing... Fence Sitter

Writing on deciding if you want to have kids, how many, realistic motherhood and more. A community for current or previous fence sitters.

Apr 11, 2024

Welcome!

When I was deciding whether to have kids, I naturally did what any Millennial does… scour the internet. Unfortunately, I found a lot of content that was incredibly unhelpful. It seems as though people are very staunchly in favor of having kids or against. There wasn’t much room to ask questions or hear realistic portrayals of parenthood. So I have been writing about my experience, and also working with clients who are on the fence about having kids for the past few years.

You may know me as @Therapyforwomen

I am a therapist, you may know me online as Therapyforwomen on instagram or Tiktok. I also have a therapy practice “Therapy for Women Center” and I wrote the book “Not Drinking Tonight” and its corresponding workbook. I believe in realistic mental health content. The more I am on social media, the more frustrated I am by the extreme takes. And the more I am convinced it is detrimental to our mental health. Most of my job as a therapist these days involves debunking content people bring to me from the internet. No this isn’t necessarily a sign of complex PTSD. No, this person probably isn’t a narcissist… No you don’t have to wake up at 5am or do cold plunges in order to hack your nervous system.

I am no longer willing to serve an algorithm

The more disillusioned I’ve become with social media, the more I have been leaning into my own personal writing and the more I have longed to create a seperate space to share beyond Instagram.

I have always wanted to write more personal things, but as a therapist, I have often been afraid people aren’t very interested in what I personally have to say. I figured out quickly as I grew my instagram that people are most likely to follow you if you are useful to them. Which was great for building a following…but not great for my self worth, as I have spent the past few years selling my soul to serve an algorithm. More on that in another post...

Last year I started a podcast (which I loved, and may still pick back up at some point), in order to reconnect with my creativity and sense of self, but ultimately the editing process of creating a solo format podcast combined with having a newborn and my business going through huge changes was too much to balance. So I had to give that up. However, I loved connecting with all of you in deeper, more authentic ways… away from social media. I also really enjoyed being able to share more personal aspects of myself and my story.

Why now?

I have always loved reading and writing and found so much wisdom from hearing other people’s stories. Sometimes I hear someone say something that I didn’t even realize I felt until I hear someone else describe it. Storytelling is powerful because it can give us language to understand ourselves and connect us to others. But as a therapist, I have shied away from telling much of my story out of fear it will be seen as self indulgent.

Maybe it is… or maybe someone will benefit from what I have to say or my experience. Specifically over the past few years I have become extremely passionate about the topic of whether to have children and how many. I figured after deciding and having a child I would become bored of this topic, but somehow I find it even more fascinating. Never in my life did I imagine I would write a mommy blog… but I guess here we are.

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Not Another Mom Blog

This isn’t a regular mom blog… it’s a blog that is going to talk about parenthood from a realistic lens. I want to write about being on the other side of the fence (having a child) after I sat on the fence so long. So often whether to have a child or not is filled with extreme takes. People are pro parent or against it. “If you doubt having a child at all YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE KIDS!” Or “How selfish are you to consider not having kids!” People are so heated about this topic. And one of those reasons I think is that we can try to justify our own choices.

Nobody on earth can be neutral about this topic… which is why I find it so interesting. Once you have a child, you are no longer able to be unbiased about discussing kids. If you fully decide you will never have children, you will never know what it is like to have a kid. You cannot live your life fully without having kids and then live your life with them to compare which was the better fit for you. Also, there may not be a “right” answer, sometimes they are just different lives. I am a big believer in there is grief in most decisions we make, even good ones. Sometimes we have to grieve the life we thought we wanted.

A Community for Fence Sitters

As someone who was on the fence for many years, and is only choosing to have one, I try to be as neutral as I can but obviously I am biased as well. But what I do want to create here is a community of people who are questioners…. maybe you are either questioning having children, questioning how many they want, questioning getting married, questioning whether to adopt, or have made a decision but still grappling with how much this changed your life (aka the boat I am in).

Motherhood content seems to be so extreme, which is why I struggled so much with the decision. I so badly wanted to ask someone who was unsure about having a child, what are the hardest parts? Was it worth it? How have you changed? What’s better? What’s worse? Instead it seems that social media is filled with parents saying their life is perfect now that they have children and glamourising it, or saying it’s horrible and trying to warn people. We need a middle ground.

What You Can Expect with “Fence Sitter”

Here you can expect a middle ground, where I will talk about my answers to those questions, my thoughts on motherhood after being a fence sitter and more. If you subscribe you can comment, ask questions, get advice and connect with other members of this community. Every month if you are a member, I will answer a handful of questions from subscribers. They don’t even necessarily have to be about motherhood or questioning it.

If you cannot afford it and are eager to join, feel free to reach out and I will gift you a membership no questions asked.

You can expect to hear from me once a month for now, twice if you are a subscriber. That may become more depending on my workload, but I prefer to underpromise and over deliver. I get a lot of inspiration from what you all write in and comment and say, so I am so excited to connect with you away from the extremes of social media. I hope this will be a fun, realistic corner of the internet.

I expect this space will evolve, and I thank you advance for evolving with me. I am also a big pop culture enthusiast so I expect I will sometimes write about pop culture, Taylor Swift, and other things happening in the zeitgeist.

I would love to hear from you, if there are any topics you’d like me to write about, questions you have, please reach out!

Thank you SO much for reading and being here.