“I never once asked for a sibling, hinted at wanting a sibling. I really did enjoy being the center of attention in my parents’ life.”
In this thoughtful episode of the Fence Sitter Podcast, I speak with Laura, an only child herself who went from being firmly childfree to saying yes to motherhood.
Laura shares her story about growing up with parents who never wanted kids, navigating the tension between loving your partner and not wanting what they want, and learning that you can experience regret in those early months and still end up loving parenthood. I think you all will love hearing about the nuance and complexity of her journey.
Some highlights from our conversation:
How Laura grew up as an only child with parents who never wanted children—she was a surprise when they were both 36
Growing up with zero pressure: her parents never used phrases like “when you get married” or “when you have kids”
Being a firm “no” on children for years, then slowly moving to the fence when she met her husband Christian, who wanted a family
The underlying tension: “I love this man. I see him in my future...But I don’t want what he wants”
The Easter Sunday moment in 2023: seeing her mother-in-law holding a newborn and thinking “yeah, I think I want that”
Her honest reflection: “I don’t think that was a fair decision point...but I don’t think I would have ever said yes had I not said yes then”
The brutal early months: “Did I blow up my life?...I would probably not have made this choice”
The feeling that haunted her: “I felt like I had betrayed my intuition”
Why she’s firmly one and done: “I don’t want to parent another child and I would not be the best mother I could be to my current child if we were to bring in another”
Perhaps most powerfully, Laura reflects on intuition and decision-making: “I had said no my whole life. Like that was my gut telling me...those times in those early newborn months, I felt like I had betrayed my intuition and...that really rocked me.” Now, about saying no to a second child: “That would be like the ultimate betrayal to my intuition. And I don’t think I could ever forgive myself.”
Laura’s advice for fence-sitters? Have brutally honest conversations about the practical realities—like who will be the primary parent—and really consider what you value.
This is an incredibly honest conversation about making a decision in a moment, experiencing regret, and learning to hold multiple truths at once. Laura doesn’t sugarcoat the challenges, but she also shares the unexpected rewards of motherhood.
Upgrade to a paid subscription to access the complete episode and join a community of others navigating this significant life choice.
The Fence Sitter podcast continues to bring you authentic conversations with real individuals who were unsure about having kids and finally made their choice—one way or another. These podcast episodes are available for paid subscribers only.
