Dear Amanda, Does Hating Kids Mean I Shouldn't Have One?

Loving kids and having them are two different things

Dear Amanda,

I am not a kid person. I didn’t even like being a child when I was one. I never imagine I would want children, but after meeting my husband I am now questioning my choice. This is surprising to me but now I keep thinking about what it would be like to be a mother. On some days I really want to do it, but then I remember how much I have didn’t like babies or kids in the past. But maybe I’m scared to become a mother? Anwyas, doesn’t my previous history disqualify me from being a parent?

Dear Disqualified,

I very much relate to you. For many years I didn’t understand what the fuss was all about. When my friends started announcing their pregnancies I often had the thought, “wait, you did this on purpose?” I never felt baby fever or wanted to hang out with my friends’ kids. I never felt particularly maternal.

I sat on the fence hemming and hawing with my husband for a few years. One year we were definitely having them, the next year we weren’t, then we were waiting and seeing. To be clear, mostly this was me saying these things as he was pretty neutral about the whole decision.

Through a lot of research, I discovered something surprising about myself… I was scared to become a mom. Obviously I was scared about having a child, how hard it was going to be, losing sleep etc… but I was also terrified of becoming a mom.